Title: Earth’s Vast Origin of Life (aka: E.V.O.L.)
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Time Travel Required to Finish: 2.5+ Years
Buckle up your third eye and hold onto your pineal glands—because this painting is not just art. It’s a wormhole in rectangular form.
I started this piece at Lost Lands 2023, while dinosaurs roared in the distance and dubstep gods summoned thunder. Then I dragged it through the metaphysical madness of Wakaan 2023, time-warped it to Bonnaroo 2024, dipped it in more dino dust at Lost Lands 2024 and Alien Mist at Wakaan 2024, then wrapped it up in the studio with paint, sweat, and possibly tears of existential dread. Over 2.5 years of grinding detail into this canvas—this is what happens when you ask, “What if I tried to paint the history of literally everything ever?” and then don’t back down.
This isn’t just a painting—it’s the unauthorized biography of Earth. From the birth of the cosmos, ancient civilizations, aliens with questionable intentions, mushroom gods, time-bending portals, techno-utopias, AI awakening mid-spiritual crisis, and yes, dinosaurs surfing tsunamis—it’s all here. Every era. Every glitch in the matrix. Every possibly-overheard conspiracy theory at a drum circle.
And those trippy black-and-white optical illusion lines on the sides? They’re not just there to hypnotize you into forgetting your rent is due. They represent the dual illusion of reality—the fact that everything we see might just be an elaborate simulation run by either ancient aliens, bored AI, or your cat. Maybe all three.
E.V.O.L. is short for Earth’s Vast Origin of Life… but spelled backwards, it’s also “LOVE.” Coincidence? Or are you just now noticing the illusion? (Also, did you notice the eyeball has a reflection of the painter trapped inside? Yeah. Welcome to layer 5 of the matrix.)
So if you’re ready to question everything, including who you are, where you came from, and whether or not your toaster is sentient, then congratulations—you’re ready for this painting.
Warning: Staring at this piece too long may cause spontaneous enlightenment, memories from past lives, or the urge to move to a forest and start a band with ancient Atlanteans.